Because I Was Told I Can

The story is told of a man who started going to a gym. Every morning, there is one personal trainer there that works out at the same time that my little group does our workout. He does his "routine" with such a quiet determination that he makes it all look very easy; although I know all too well how hard he is working. When I am tempted to whine and quit, I watch him push himself to his own limits, and I find myself motivated to work as hard and without complaint.

A couple of weeks ago, I was watching him do chin ups. He made them look effortless. I broke away from my group and asked him if I could try a chin up. I had never tried before, but he just made it look so easy. He eagerly stepped aside and encouraged me to step up to the bar. I pulled myself up without thinking...once...then twice. That was all I had in me, I had no strength left. I told him that was all I had, so he stepped up behind me and pushed me up for a third and fourth "pull." It felt so good. I felt strong and I smiled from ear to ear.

The next day when I was done my workout, I asked him to spot me again. Again, I did two. Again on day three and so on. I thought it was pathetic that I could only do two, but when I came to the gym at the end of the week, he was standing there just shaking his head. When I asked him what was up, he said he was impressed with my chin ups. He told me that when they are training firefighters, the men are required to do 5 chin ups, and women are required to do 1 or 2. He explained that most people can't do them at all, and that he was impressed that I could. He further told me that if I practiced every day, I would be doing 5 or 6 in no time. At this point I should probably add that I am 50 years old...and female.

The moral of this story...because I didn't know any better, because he told me I could, I saw no reason to doubt. I just jumped in and gave it a try - and I did it! I didn't see it as a great accomplishment, because I didn't realize that it was difficult and it became my goal to get stronger. No one told me I couldn't do it, in fact, I was encouraged to try. Had he told me initially how difficult it was, I more than likely would not have tried at all. Or I might have tried, but given it only half an effort, because failure would have been the expectation. I applaud him for letting me believe that for me, it was not only a possibility, but that success was a realistic expectation.

How many times have we decided not to try at all because we were told that we couldn't, that we shouldn't, that we had expectations that were too ambitious? How many times have we told our children, our friends and our co-workers that they couldn't do something; that their ideas were impossible or beyond reach? How many times have we told ourselves that we would fail before we even started?

I started to ponder examples that I had witnessed and this came to mind...I recalled a conversation a friend of mine had with his daughter just prior to her heading off to university. He spoke to her (with good intentions) of how hard she would have to work in order to succeed. University wasn't like High School - this was the real world and now she would have to grow up. This child quit after two years. Another friend spoke to her daughter of the adventure she was embarking on and how proud she was. I remember how we laughed because the mother already had her outfit picked out for convocation day! This child just graduated with her degree in physiology. Looking back, neither daughter was more intelligent than the other. Was it the silent expectations (or lack thereof) that predicted the outcome?

I have a new approach now. I have experienced first hand how good it feels to rush in so innocently. To believe that we CAN do it and go on to accomplish exactly what we set out to do, because no one told us we couldn't. I've learned how important it is to support others (and ourselves) in our endeavors and to let them know that we believe they can do it rather than telling them we think that they can't.

I personally want to be like my trainer; standing there behind the people that I love, encouraging them, believing in them and being ready to catch them when they get tired. I will be the one that is there on the second and third day making sure they try again, because I know they CAN.

What a powerful lesson this has been for me. I'll be doing "5" in no time at all. Because I was told I CAN.

Jan Graham

If you're proactive, you don't have to wait for circumstances or other people to create perspective expanding experiences. You can consciously create your own.

Dr. Stephen Covey

I am telling you right now that YOU CAN (that sounds like obama doesn’t it). You can make it happen despite the odds.

Learn To Be Happy

How does our history become sad or happy? How and why do our experiences affect the way we think and feel? Are human beings born to be miserable? NO! We are born to be human and to evolve through experiences. We are born to win!

There is no doubt that we all have a big variety of situations or experiences during our existence that we allow to affect the way we think and therefore the way we feel. There are people, objects and intangibles things that we meet and they become part of our experiences and therefore our history.

We all make choices, every day, every moment. The reason we are happy or unhappy is not our experiences but the way we deal with our experiences; what we think about them, therefore the attitude we take. Everything we do either makes us successful or unsuccessful, moves us forward or backward, every day, every moment.

Being miserable or happy is personal; it is a matter of choice and this choice has to do with the attitude each of us has.

Attitude is everything! . The problem starts when we label our experiences with our own beliefs. Our attitude is the outcome of how we feel and how we will respond. Sadly and ironically, many of us build such an attitude that instead of solving the problems we already have, we create even more problems. Ironically again, this is the history of the so-called more intelligent being on the planet.

So, what we can do to be happy? How can we move forward instead of backward?

First we have to consider cause and effect…

Our mind stores our experiences as thoughts, thoughts create feelings or emotions, and what we feel is the way we act. Our attitude is a reaction to our thoughts, feelings and actions; it is positive or negative based not on what we think, but how we think, and how we think is related to our level of awareness.

So, the roots of our misery, problems, disillusions, worries and sadness are in our thoughts; how we think about things. When we have negative thoughts, we are creating misery in our lives and if it's something that we don't want for our life, it is time to take control and put our brain to work to form a new attitude by creating new positive thoughts.

You will only be happy, move forward, be the champion you are meant to be when you are honest and take action. Start to motivate your mind with positive thoughts. Start with thoughts of love, optimism, and creativity. Start by appreciating and valuing every second of life, everything you are and have, and become passionate about everything you do.

Stop labeling! Things are the way they are but if you decide to label them, then label your experiences, with your fellow human beings and with your environment, in a positive and optimistic way. Regardless of what happens, paint your life, daily, with a smile in everything you experience. The more you do this, the happier you will become.

Move with the flow. Things are the way they are, they can be otherwise, but for now, things are the way they are. If you row in the direction the river is flowing, its energy assists you. But, if you row against the river's flow, it is only a matter of time before you become exhausted, overwhelmed and defeated.

It is super important to be clear; to understand that happiness is not dependent on the outside world. Nobody can make you happy or unhappy. Be responsible for your life. You and only you have the power to control the way you feel.

When your desire to be happy becomes as strong as the need to breathe, you will be happy. If you want to be happy, make happiness part of your daily thoughts, emotions and actions.

So, be happy, it is not only your choice but also your right! Be happy, regardless; you definitively deserve it. Remember, sixty seconds of sadness is one minute less of happiness!

Eduardo Dominguez


The difficulties you meet will resolve themselves as you advance. Proceed, and light will dawn, and shine with increasing clearness on your path.
Jim Rohn


It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.
Dale Carnegie


Every human has four endowments- self-awareness, conscience,independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom... The power to choose, to respond, to change.
Stephen Covey

choose to be happy, learn to be happy, be happy!